Imagine If… It’s Time to Continue the Story

It’s been a long time.

For years I’ve wondered if I would ever come back here and write again. There were so many times I opened this page, stared at a blank screen, and closed it without typing a word.

Four years ago today, Dean and I were somewhere on the road, halfway across the United States.

At the time, we didn’t know that trip would become one of the greatest gifts we’d ever receive.

Today, I’m sitting here looking back at those memories while also looking ahead to a completely different life than I ever imagined.

When Dean and I started Imagine If Adventures, we had no idea how much that journey would come to mean.

After Dean was diagnosed, we made a decision that would change our lives forever. Instead of waiting for “someday,” we packed up, hit the road, and spent more than four months traveling together across the country.

Those adventures became some of the greatest memories of our lives.

Looking back now, I realize that trip wasn’t just a vacation. It was a gift.

Every sunrise, every wrong turn, every hike, every conversation around a campfire, every mile… they became moments I would one day hold onto with everything I had.

After Dean’s cancer returned…life became very different.

For a long time, survival was enough. Some days, simply getting out of bed felt like an accomplishment. I wasn’t ready to tell the next chapter because I was still trying to understand it myself.

But life has a way of surprising us.

The name of this blog has always been Imagine If.

Back then, it meant imagining the adventures we could have together.

Today, it means something entirely different.

Imagine if the worst day of your life wasn’t the end of your story.

Imagine if grief and joy could somehow exist in the same heart.

Imagine if healing wasn’t about forgetting someone you loved, but learning to carry them with you as you continued living- for them too.

If there's one thing Dean taught me, it was to truly live. When he convinced me to take that four-month road trip across the country after his first battle with cancer, he wasn't just planning a vacation—he was teaching me to embrace every moment, because none of us are promised tomorrow.

Even after his diagnosis, Dean loved life with his whole heart. He never stopped dreaming, exploring, or making memories. Before he died, I promised him that I would keep doing those things—for him, but also for myself.

Every new adventure, every trip, every memory, and every new chapter is my way of honoring that promise.

The me 3 years ago, two years ago, even one year ago.. wouldn’t believe the now me.

Over the past year, I’ve laughed again. I’ve dreamed again. I’ve found love again.

A year after Dean passed away, I made the difficult decision to leave Florida and move back to my hometown of Overland Park, Kansas. Baloo and I found a little place to call home, and for the first time, it was really just the two of us. That year was about getting to know myself again—learning who I was outside of being Dean's wife, and caregiver. I spent as much time as I could with family, traveled whenever the opportunity came along, and learned that staying busy wasn't about avoiding grief—it was about learning how to live alongside it.

During that time, an even more unexpected thing happened. I met another widow. We connected through our losses in a way that not many people can understand with experiencing what we both have. Our close friendship unexpectedly turned into so much more. A year later, Baloo and I were packing up once again—this time for Tennessee.

Today, I'm building a beautiful new chapter with Kyle. Together we're blending our families, starting to build our dream home on 3.6 acres in Cross Plains, Tennessee. Preparing for his oldest daughter's wedding next month. This fall, we'll be traveling to Banff and Jasper National Parks in Canada. Creating new adventures and making memories I know Dean would want me to.

This next chapter won’t erase the first one.

It will be built because of it.

So if you’re still here after all these years… thank you.

Whether you’ve followed since our adventures on the road, found this blog while walking through a cancer journey or grief yourself, or somehow stumbled in today, I’m grateful you’re here.

The story isn’t over.

In many ways…

It’s just beginning again.

Welcome back to Imagine If.

I’m glad you’re here.

#livelikedean