Filling in the gaps

Lauren Ringuette
Jun 17, 2024
3 min read

Updated: Jun 18, 2024

Even though, In many ways it seemed that life just stopped when Dean's cancer returned in December 2022, It didn't. I regret not keeping up with this blog, if for nothing else, to be able to hold on to all the memories forever. Now, without Dean, I find myself grasping for every single detail of memories I have. I scroll through photos every single day. I rewatch random videos every single day. I am so afraid that I will forget something. So, now I decided I want to fill in some of the gaps, add some of the memories that we did have the last year and a half.

Even though we were handed yet again, the worst news imaginable. We really did still have some wonderful memories together, with friends, with family. So, I will attempt to share some of those memories on here now and then. I'll try to fill in the gap to get to the present. A period in time that I still don't really want to face. The present, the time in which now Dean is no longer here with me physically. It still doesn't feel real. Not even a little bit.

So bare with me as I slowly relive some of these past couple years as I share them with you. Looking back at the posts, really the next update would be December 2022.

Flashback: December 2022

The beginning of December 2022 Dean had routine tests. These are tests that he had to do every 3-4 months. Up until this point, since his chemo ended in January 2021, Dean had remained "NED" which in the cancer world, means No Evidence of Disease. That had been music to our ears for almost 2 years. When he got the first blood work tests done, as I always do, I checked the online portal and his CEA test ( A carcinoembryonic antigen ) test was higher than It ever was. This is a test used in some types of cancers to detect if there is any cancer in the body. It is not all cancers, and this test really isn't very reliable in many cases, but they use it for colon cancer monitoring. It was still in the "normal" range, but It was not the norm for Dean, so I just knew something wasn't right. He wasn't due for scans for another 2 months, and the doctors told us no reason to be worried, it is still "normal" range, but I pushed to get the scans done sooner. We got scans a week later, and they came back that that the cancer was back and had spread to his liver and a spot in his lower pelvic area. So, Dean was officially Stage 4. Next steps were to start back on a strong chemotherapy ASAP.

Even though we now had this horrific news, we also had been planning a really exciting Christmas with the family. All of Dean's family from Canada were coming for Christmas and we had planned a big weekend with activities, catering, and fun. My event planning brain had been in full gear and I was excited to plan it all the last couple months., We were excited to have everyone together.

Even though it was really hard to try and have a nice Christmas with the news that was looming over us, we were grateful that we had that time with the whole family and to try to get our minds off it, even for just a bit. We were able to enjoy the holidays with the family before having to get in full on cancer fighting mode, again.

We spent quality time with family, we ate a lot of food, we played games, we watched movies, we made gingerbread houses, we opened presents, we laughed, we had a wonderful Christmas and new year's eve party with family and friends.

Unfortunately, one of Dean's brother, Kevin and family had a cancelled flight and didn't make it and we also had the coldest winter ever for Florida. But- we made the best of it.

Enjoy some photos and videos below from that time;

and stay tuned for periodic Dean memories, walks down memory lane posts on here. ♥️